Grief

My grandmother took her last breath yesterday morning right as the clock struck 3:00. It was the same day, 76 years later, that her mother died. She was surrounded by most of her daughters. My dad called to tell us about 7. What do you say to your father when his mother passes? This next week is going to be hard.

I discovered that the law boy is dating someone. I feel awkward as we exchanged books, I made myself rather vulnerable (moreso than I have in two years), especially as I lent him a book I had written personal thoughts in. Yeah, I think awkward is the right word. Many people have mentioned that he had led me on. I will give him the benefit of the doubt and say that he didn't think that much of it. Guys usually don't.

I can't really care about certain things, I've learned. I just have to let them work themselves out. And I can only do that as I do all that I can to live a full and happy life. Then I can trust God to just make it that much fuller and that much happier. That's my plan for the day.

My grandmother's passing is affecting me more than I really think it is. It makes me want to live a better life so that when I get to that point, death that is, I can feel good about life.

Grandma's passing is bittersweet. She's gone. This amazing woman who has lived the richest life I have ever seen is gone. Her calm demeanor, her subtle hilarities, and slight chuckle will be missed. And yet, I find myself at peace because she is almost whole now. Most importantly to me, she can remember. Everything. And she is with her beloved mother, father, and Auntie, the woman who raised her.

Grief is interesting because we have a choice as to when we are going to really let ourselves grieve. These are moments that I want Tuesdays with Morrie back so I can quote something amazing and insightful about grief, emotions, and dying. And yet...

Goal for the week: get through it.